Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In the future we'll all be gay
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
