So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
