Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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