remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
