I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
