it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
