who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
