Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
