Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
