By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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