Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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