shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
