Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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