Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
