I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
