thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
