his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
