I need to stop coming to work sober
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize