I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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