I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She said her name was "party"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize