My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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