get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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