Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize