Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
