There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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