I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
should my penis look like a turkey
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
