How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
