Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
