mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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