eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
