I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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