Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
