i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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