please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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