If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
