I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize