I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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