I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
