Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
