this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Found your dick twin last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
