well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
