Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
