Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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