Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
