i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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