my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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