Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
