How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
