oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just invented taco cereal.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize