I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am naked and annoyed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
