non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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