We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
