Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
