Soap is not a condiment
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
