she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
