so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
