the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
