i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
