You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
