My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
