i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
