I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
