Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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