So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You made out with two different species that night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
