Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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