there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize