Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
