Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
