I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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