I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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