I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
