Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
