...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
