so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
