What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
