just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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