The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
