I wish i was in the wii world.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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