party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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