get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
